Photographic Evidence of Billy Jack's Parasitic Qualities

For more fun and educational photographs of parasites (including more of the little tongue biter) please check out the work of photographer Matthew Gilligan.

Photographic Evidence of Billy Jack's Parasitic Qualities

For more fun and educational photographs of parasites (including more of the little tongue biter) please check out the work of photographer Matthew Gilligan.

STARE INTO THE FACE OF EVIL, IF YOU DARE

Look deeper…deeper.

Now give it a cookie.

This is not a dog, but an alien shapeshifting parasite with appalling powers, including the ability to suck all of your will and judgment completely away and turn you into its souless host that exists only to do its bidding.

We should have drowned him when he was a puppy, while we still could, before he and his powers reached maturity and we became helpless against him. We would probably have been stopped by well meaning fools anyway, like the Americans in John Carpenter’s The Thing, who can’t figure out why a helicopter full of scientists from the neighboring Norwegian Arctic base is trying to shoot down that cute Siberian Husky. After a grenade misfires and destroys the helicopter and its occupants, the Americans take in the poor little ‘dog’ (who they believe is a victim of the Norwegians’ cabin fever induced psychosis) and the gorefest begins. Nobody survives, not even macho stud Kurt Russell.

OK, maybe I’m letting my imagination run away with me here. I’ve been engrossed lately by this fascinating book Elizabeth gave me called Parasite Rex, which is all about the tiny free-loaders of the animal kingdom. It is absolutely riveting. I bet you didn’t know that parasites outnumber free-living species 4 to 1, or that there are parasites that can enslave their hosts through mind control, or that can trick other species into caring and raising the parasites’ young, or make women slutty, or that can eat out the tongue of a fish, latch on, and act as the tongue’s replacement?
My interest in parasites began when I took a zoology class and my professor had such a single-minded passion for parasites that I began to wonder if she wasn’t hosting one herself, in her brain. We spent about 2 classes on vertebrates and the rest on parasites. She would spend most of class recounting grisly but enthralling tales of all of her far flung parasitological studies and adventures. “And one time in Africa we did some exploratory surgery on a boy who couldn’t keep any food down and discovered the reason: he had so many Ascarids writhing around in his intestines that they had created a blockage were preventing food from entering. And actually that proved quite handy because we had run out of Ascarids to dissect in the medical school there and now we had plenty for the students…”
I was attuned enough to know what she wanted, and wrote my term paper on Giardia. I and the other students who wrote about parasites received As, unlike the rest of the class who wrote papers on Chordata.

STARE INTO THE FACE OF EVIL, IF YOU DARE

Look deeper…deeper.

Now give it a cookie.

This is not a dog, but an alien shapeshifting parasite with appalling powers, including the ability to suck all of your will and judgment completely away and turn you into its souless host that exists only to do its bidding.

We should have drowned him when he was a puppy, while we still could, before he and his powers reached maturity and we became helpless against him. We would probably have been stopped by well meaning fools anyway, like the Americans in John Carpenter’s The Thing, who can’t figure out why a helicopter full of scientists from the neighboring Norwegian Arctic base is trying to shoot down that cute Siberian Husky. After a grenade misfires and destroys the helicopter and its occupants, the Americans take in the poor little ‘dog’ (who they believe is a victim of the Norwegians’ cabin fever induced psychosis) and the gorefest begins. Nobody survives, not even macho stud Kurt Russell.

OK, maybe I’m letting my imagination run away with me here. I’ve been engrossed lately by this fascinating book Elizabeth gave me called Parasite Rex, which is all about the tiny free-loaders of the animal kingdom. It is absolutely riveting. I bet you didn’t know that parasites outnumber free-living species 4 to 1, or that there are parasites that can enslave their hosts through mind control, or that can trick other species into caring and raising the parasites’ young, or make women slutty, or that can eat out the tongue of a fish, latch on, and act as the tongue’s replacement?
My interest in parasites began when I took a zoology class and my professor had such a single-minded passion for parasites that I began to wonder if she wasn’t hosting one herself, in her brain. We spent about 2 classes on vertebrates and the rest on parasites. She would spend most of class recounting grisly but enthralling tales of all of her far flung parasitological studies and adventures. “And one time in Africa we did some exploratory surgery on a boy who couldn’t keep any food down and discovered the reason: he had so many Ascarids writhing around in his intestines that they had created a blockage were preventing food from entering. And actually that proved quite handy because we had run out of Ascarids to dissect in the medical school there and now we had plenty for the students…”
I was attuned enough to know what she wanted, and wrote my term paper on Giardia. I and the other students who wrote about parasites received As, unlike the rest of the class who wrote papers on Chordata.

“I was seduced by her evil. After she would lie on her cell phone to her fiancée she would just giggle in this really sexy, evil way. I also liked it when she would back up on all fours naked toward me and say, 'Is this the way Daddy likes it? Is it?'"



From this week’s episode of Cheaters, the greatest show on television, ever.

“I was seduced by her evil. After she would lie on her cell phone to her fiancée she would just giggle in this really sexy, evil way. I also liked it when she would back up on all fours naked toward me and say, 'Is this the way Daddy likes it? Is it?'"

From this week’s episode of Cheaters, the greatest show on television, ever.

Money, Money, Money



Not much is free in this world anymore, except Loretta.



Phone call I received yesterday at work.

"You got tax forms?"

"We have reproducible federal and state forms. You can make a copy of them for $.10 a page."

"You mean you don't have them to hand out? I have to pay for them? Well, that fucking sucks!"

Click



My cousin Garrett volunteering at the needle exchange.

"Yeah, so my husband, he's in a wheelchair and can't make it so I need you to give me his needles too."

"Ma'am, we can only give out 20 needles per person. I can't give you both your needles and your husband's needles. He needs to come down here in person."

After a lot of indignant huffing, "What? Damn. Look, I don't know how much money you're making off all of us..."

"Ma'am, the needles are free, and we're volunteers."



From a librarian comrade's blog, Sex and the Library



This woman came in today and asked if we had typewriters. I gave her the

spill about yes we do, and they cost a quarter for about 10 or 15 minutes (I

couldn't remember). She scrunched her face up and said, "What? They cost

money to use?"

"Yes."

"Damn! That's Ghetto!" Then she wandered off grumbling to her friend, "This

is a Lieberry, they should be free, that's so ghetto! This is America!"

Money, Money, Money

Not much is free in this world anymore, except Loretta.

Phone call I received yesterday at work.
"You got tax forms?"
"We have reproducible federal and state forms. You can make a copy of them for $.10 a page."
"You mean you don't have them to hand out? I have to pay for them? Well, that fucking sucks!"
Click

My cousin Garrett volunteering at the needle exchange.
"Yeah, so my husband, he's in a wheelchair and can't make it so I need you to give me his needles too."
"Ma'am, we can only give out 20 needles per person. I can't give you both your needles and your husband's needles. He needs to come down here in person."
After a lot of indignant huffing, "What? Damn. Look, I don't know how much money you're making off all of us..."
"Ma'am, the needles are free, and we're volunteers."

From a librarian comrade's blog, Sex and the Library

This woman came in today and asked if we had typewriters. I gave her the
spill about yes we do, and they cost a quarter for about 10 or 15 minutes (I
couldn't remember). She scrunched her face up and said, "What? They cost
money to use?"
"Yes."
"Damn! That's Ghetto!" Then she wandered off grumbling to her friend, "This
is a Lieberry, they should be free, that's so ghetto! This is America!"

Finally, accessible scripture.



The Brick Testament

Finally, accessible scripture.

The Brick Testament

Y'all Hiring?



I was cleaning out my drawer and found this note a chronologically confused woman (notice how she dated it) handed to me one evening a few months ago. She had spent most of the day hunched over a German textbook, conjugating German verbs on page after page of notepaper. On the backside of one of these pages she composed this note/job application. After this poor lost soul gave me the note she left immediately and never returned again to check the status of her 'application,' as far as I know.



Oct. 11, 2006





Dear Library, (Chinese Branch)

I would like an application (not the N.I.M.H. one, nor Consumer Affairs one, etc.) at least to prove that I really applied for a job and really was in this city. (Proof to my OLD UNIVERSITY in NORTHERN COLORADO)



Sincerely,

a female



I do not have a degree, therefore, you are not required to hire me, but helpful if you do. Besides, the library owes me $250 from having stolen from me in 1993 (or was it 1994)? Don't worry - I'm not collecting.



P.S. When did this branch separate from the one downtown? And why?

Y'all Hiring?

I was cleaning out my drawer and found this note a chronologically confused woman (notice how she dated it) handed to me one evening a few months ago. She had spent most of the day hunched over a German textbook, conjugating German verbs on page after page of notepaper. On the backside of one of these pages she composed this note/job application. After this poor lost soul gave me the note she left immediately and never returned again to check the status of her 'application,' as far as I know.

Oct. 11, 2006


Dear Library, (Chinese Branch)
I would like an application (not the N.I.M.H. one, nor Consumer Affairs one, etc.) at least to prove that I really applied for a job and really was in this city. (Proof to my OLD UNIVERSITY in NORTHERN COLORADO)

Sincerely,
a female

I do not have a degree, therefore, you are not required to hire me, but helpful if you do. Besides, the library owes me $250 from having stolen from me in 1993 (or was it 1994)? Don't worry - I'm not collecting.

P.S. When did this branch separate from the one downtown? And why?

Random Memory of the Day



When I was around ten years old I was going through the cafeteria line at school and I asked the cafeteria lady for some fried chicken. Instead of asking for dark meat, I mistakenly said, "May I have a piece of brown meat?" She laughed and replied, "Honey, I'm the only brown meat around here and I ain't on the menu!"

Random Memory of the Day

When I was around ten years old I was going through the cafeteria line at school and I asked the cafeteria lady for some fried chicken. Instead of asking for dark meat, I mistakenly said, "May I have a piece of brown meat?" She laughed and replied, "Honey, I'm the only brown meat around here and I ain't on the menu!"

Unintentional Porn is everywhere



Today, I told a patron, "Follow me. The adult videos are this way."



And to another, "Those VDs are available to be checked out." I believe I meant DVDs.



The subject line of an e-mail from my manager: John the Fisherman came by to see you. He would like to give you some crabs.



I just bet he would.

Unintentional Porn is everywhere

Today, I told a patron, "Follow me. The adult videos are this way."

And to another, "Those VDs are available to be checked out." I believe I meant DVDs.

The subject line of an e-mail from my manager: John the Fisherman came by to see you. He would like to give you some crabs.

I just bet he would.

The Lady is a Tramp





Loretta is a neighborhood nuisance of a homeless woman in her mid-forties (although it's hard to tell because of her deep exposure tan; alcohol and the elements really are hell on your skin) who is a tramp in every meaning of the word. One of her favorite pastimes is to entertain gentlemen callers in the public women's restroom in the park. The beat cops know when Loretta is in there because there will be a queue of men waiting their turn outside the stall door. She doesn't even charge money, so the cops don't bother arresting her for prostitution. How pathetic is that? My favorite patron, the Feisty Old Broad, has a very low opinion of Loretta for this: "Women who give it away for free should be shot!" The FOB also told me that Loretta comes from a well-to-do family and receives money each month from a trust, which combined with her money from the Cash, Not Care program of this sickly codependent city keeps Loretta well stocked in booze.



One thing Loretta does not use the public bathroom for is to go to the bathroom. When nature calls Loretta answers, and due to her massive intake of intoxicating liquids, it calls frequently. On many occasions I have suffered to the sight of her fat white ass hovering between parked cars in front of the branch, the fuzzy ball on her signature purple tam-o-shanter bobbing as she squats. It's a common sight to see her peeing in the park, in the alley, on the sidewalk or wherever she may happen to be when she feels the urge.



Loretta has been hanging around the library lately because she has been eightysixed for two weeks from the homeless center down the street. She was spotted leaving waste of a more solid nature on the doorstep of one of the merchants who has the grave misfortune of being adjacent to this shelter, which a certain big shot movie producer opened up as a ploy to relocate the homeless who were loitering and harassing the customers in front of his own restaurant a few blocks away. During her temporary exile she has taken residence in one of our homeless friendly garden nooks of the library, where I have to listen to her simpering cackle as she holds court and flirts with a group of male homeless admirers that always seem to surround her. I am hoping that she behaves herself and doesn't get kicked out of the shelter permanently because each morning we have to clean up a trashcan's worth of empty 40's, cigarette butts, cardboard, and other detritus from Loretta's boogie nights. It's a real drag.

The Lady is a Tramp


Loretta is a neighborhood nuisance of a homeless woman in her mid-forties (although it's hard to tell because of her deep exposure tan; alcohol and the elements really are hell on your skin) who is a tramp in every meaning of the word. One of her favorite pastimes is to entertain gentlemen callers in the public women's restroom in the park. The beat cops know when Loretta is in there because there will be a queue of men waiting their turn outside the stall door. She doesn't even charge money, so the cops don't bother arresting her for prostitution. How pathetic is that? My favorite patron, the Feisty Old Broad, has a very low opinion of Loretta for this: "Women who give it away for free should be shot!" The FOB also told me that Loretta comes from a well-to-do family and receives money each month from a trust, which combined with her money from the Cash, Not Care program of this sickly codependent city keeps Loretta well stocked in booze.

One thing Loretta does not use the public bathroom for is to go to the bathroom. When nature calls Loretta answers, and due to her massive intake of intoxicating liquids, it calls frequently. On many occasions I have suffered to the sight of her fat white ass hovering between parked cars in front of the branch, the fuzzy ball on her signature purple tam-o-shanter bobbing as she squats. It's a common sight to see her peeing in the park, in the alley, on the sidewalk or wherever she may happen to be when she feels the urge.

Loretta has been hanging around the library lately because she has been eightysixed for two weeks from the homeless center down the street. She was spotted leaving waste of a more solid nature on the doorstep of one of the merchants who has the grave misfortune of being adjacent to this shelter, which a certain big shot movie producer opened up as a ploy to relocate the homeless who were loitering and harassing the customers in front of his own restaurant a few blocks away. During her temporary exile she has taken residence in one of our homeless friendly garden nooks of the library, where I have to listen to her simpering cackle as she holds court and flirts with a group of male homeless admirers that always seem to surround her. I am hoping that she behaves herself and doesn't get kicked out of the shelter permanently because each morning we have to clean up a trashcan's worth of empty 40's, cigarette butts, cardboard, and other detritus from Loretta's boogie nights. It's a real drag.

Truly, what every girl wants



I know I've been coming down pretty hard on porn at the library lately, but is this really appropriate material for young adults?





From this month's teen ordering list at the library:





Record #1013095 WHAT A GIRL WANTS. Warner Home Video 2003. In this coming-of-age comedy, spirited U.S. teen Daphne (Amanda Bynes) yearns to meet her long-lost father (Colin Firth). She finds him in London, an influential politician. But can she remake herself as a proper lady to fit into Dad's butt. VHS Price=$19.96



We think it's supposed to read "Dad's button down world."

Truly, what every girl wants

I know I've been coming down pretty hard on porn at the library lately, but is this really appropriate material for young adults?


From this month's teen ordering list at the library:


Record #1013095 WHAT A GIRL WANTS. Warner Home Video 2003. In this coming-of-age comedy, spirited U.S. teen Daphne (Amanda Bynes) yearns to meet her long-lost father (Colin Firth). She finds him in London, an influential politician. But can she remake herself as a proper lady to fit into Dad's butt. VHS Price=$19.96

We think it's supposed to read "Dad's button down world."