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Tuesday, August 31, 2004

More Norma News... 

My colleague at Mrs. Desmond's neighborhood branch was hanging up a sign in the window when this spectrally white bald head loomed right in front of him on the other side of the glass. Its appearance was as shocking as when the waterlogged head of the fisherman floats to the pane of glass in the submerged boat in Jaws. The apparation glowered at him and then slowly backed away and disappeared from his sight. After my colleague finished clutching his chest like Fred Sanford he realized that it was only Mrs. Desmond he had seen, initially unrecognizable without her signature white silk (or sometimes aluminum, when the voices get too loud)turban. It also threw him off because underneath her turban she is completely bald, which none of us knew. My colleague is pretty sure she shaves her hair herself because the girls at the Walgreens across the street told him that Norma had been seen shoplifting large quantities of razors and shaving cream. Her skull is also covered with angry red, possibly infected shaving nicks. Maybe she thinks that her hair is transmitting thoughts into her head, like antennae, so it had to all go. Her mental illness really seems to be accelerating. I eagerly await news of her next research project, which I predict will be a convergence of her Anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, dark sexual obsessions and schizophrenic persecutory delusions.

Loretta news! I know you missed her as much as I did. She has been really scarce since the city put her up in a residential hotel room. Well, the other week she hosted what some might call a grand celebration of the end of Summer but others may more matter-of-factly call a gangbang in the public toilet in the park. Police had to break the revelry up, which was taking place right before the school across the street was due to let out.

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