Monday, March 15, 2004

Breaking News: Loretta robbed at knifepoint

The tribulations of Loretta continue. The Feisty Old Broad, who operates as my informant in Loretta’s underworld circle, told me with a spiteful gleam in her eye that Archie, one of Loretta’s former beaux, had robbed Loretta. Archie held a knife to her throat and threatened to cut it open unless she handed over all of her SSI money, which she promptly did. She was carrying on and wailing about it in the park to anyone who would listen but then abruptly clammed up, and now she is denying that it even happened. The FOB heard that Archie threatened to beat her if she wouldn’t shut up about it and to kill her if she told the police.

Loretta receives over $1000 a month of our tax dollars, which is a considerable amount of money, especially when you're not paying for any sort of housing. Her entourage, sensing her weakness, is turning on her on her like a bunch of jackals and starting to pick her clean. I’m hoping that they won't go too far, since it’s in their interest to keep her alive and not kill their purple tam o'shantor wearing cash cow.

Oh, and I hate to add to your cynicism about the candor of junkies but it turns out that Punky did not really get married. It's not like I really believed that he and his lady would even be capable of making it down to the courthouse to file the paperwork anyway. Even if they had, he probably wouldn't have been allowed to leave since there are most likely several outstanding bench warrants for Punky's arrest.

Why the couple lied remains a mystery, but it reminded Elizabeth and me of the scene in Sid and Nancy where heroin addict Nancy Spungeon is calling her nice Jewish New Jersey parents from a London phone in the middle of the night trying to extract drug money out of them. You only hear her side of the conversation and it goes something like this,

"Mom, Dad! Sid and I just got married!"
(pause, while her parents are obviously responding)

"We did, too. Would you send us some money?"
(pause, while her parents respond some more)

"But we ah-re married!!!! And we need you to wire us some money as a wedding gift right now! We need some wedding sheets. No? Well, FUCK YOU, MOM. FUCK YOU!"

Then she slams the phone down.

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