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Saturday, July 09, 2005

Crazy-Ass Patrons and their Delusional Riffs 

Image hosted by Photobucket.comA man approached the desk and said in a panicked rush, “Something’s wrong with the computer! I just got on and it’s telling me that I only have 2 minutes left!”

“Sir, you probably need to restart it.”

“How do I do that?”

I showed him Ctrl Alt Delete.

“I can’t possibly do that!” he whined. “My wrist is broken, see?” He showed me what looked like a perfectly fine wrist. “I’ve been trying to get acupuncture and I can’t get the government to pay for it. I just moved back from Japan and can’t handle this pace of life. What I really can’t handle is this society of computers. I don’t know how to use them. I can’t believe I have to go through all of this! Now I’ve written the governor all about it and explained to him why I’m trying to impeach the president. I need to go back to Indonesia because everything is too rushed here. I need to meditate. I’m working so hard to impeach the president. ALL I WANT IS THE GOVERNMENT TO PAY FOR MY FUCKING ACUPUNCTURE!”

He then went stormed back to his computer, now occupied by an opportunistic squatter. They got into a screaming match and security arrived at last and escorted him out of the building.

I then went to work the telephones.
My first call:

Hello, do you have any books on freemasonry? I’m very interested because my father and grandfather were freemasons and therefore responsible for much of this city’s skyline.

I told her a few of the titles.

Thank you. I saw my father, well, I’m talking about my natural father. I was raised in a foster home but by family. My father fought in the war in the Pacific against the Emperor and shortly after he returned stateside he was taken to fight the Cold War, even though we were royal. This was in the early 60s. I never saw him again but I am not sad or bitter. I was born severely deformed so my foster family, even though we were related, shunned me. Even though we were royalty, we were struggling, so we always worked. That’s why my father and grandfather and his father before him and so on were Freemasons. They liked to put things together with their hands. We were always very prominent, proud and shy. I will come by to pick up those books. GOD BLESS THE USA AND GOD BLESS THE LIBRARIES!

Comments:
Whooooaaaaaaaa.........
:)
 
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