Saturday, April 02, 2005

The most beautiful word in the English language: Security 

At the branches there is no Security, which could make for some harrowing times. As a branch librarian I was responsible for maintaining peace and order while trying to balance the rights, needs and expectations of every patron, some of whom were clinically insane, or, if I was lucky, a simple garden variety sociopath. Breaking up fisticuffs over the internet, waking up sleeping homeless, asking a person who smells like a corpse to leave and not come back until he or she has showered (a painfully awkward conversation for both parties), these duties were all for me as a branch librarian to handle on my own, unless I wanted to call the police, which I was oddly hesitant to do. Help from library security was always a good hour away.

Although the clientele are definitely scarier down here at The Main, now Security handles everything! Someone having a seizure? Call Security! Someone reporting a guy fixing, vomiting and nodding off in a study carrel? Call Security! Patron lost a wallet, an umbrella, a child? Call Security! People overstaying their time on the internet, having noisy sex in the upstairs bathrooms, masturbating to porn? Oh, yoo-hoo, Se-cur-it-y!

It’s heavenly. Simply not having to referee the internets has made the stress level of my job plummet and my blood pressure return to normal levels. I love Security and plan on lavishing these heroes with gifts and baked goods.

It is indeed a wonderful thing and I'm glad you finally have it!

I still have to do some of the crappy stuff like tell the stinkies to leave, since I'm "in charge," but compared to what it was like when I first started here without a guard, it's almost pain-free.

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