Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Bon Voyage 

With my usual impeccable timing, I’m leaving for Indonesia and Malaysia tonight for a wedding. Some of the wedding party is already there and have reported everything is fine and business as usual where we’ll be. At least until the cholera epidemic commences. I’m hoping this is not yet another bad omen, but I couldn't find my passport last night. Whenever I return from a trip I always throw it in a certain file cabinet drawer but when I tried to find it last night it wasn’t there. Its disappearence caused me to go on a hysterical rampage. After frantically rooting around in my desk and every single file in the cabinet, I still could find no passport. Instead of looking for it in a calm, methodical and orderly fashion, I ransacked drawers and rifled through papers like one of these monkeys that are terrorizing villages in India. After sacking the office, I wept a little bit and then maybe had some diarrhea. In my head I began making wild, shameful and unfounded allegations against our angelic Brazilian cleaning women, accusing her of selling the passport to her sister or being part of a stolen passport ring. I even wailed, “WHY, WHY, WHY” a few times.

I then laid waste to the bedroom. I knocked a ceramic lamp off the chest of drawers while I was rummaging through some papers on the nightstand and it shattered. E lamented, “That lamp, like 3, was just too good for this world.” (She had just watched the Dale Earnhardt biopic.) I decided to check the drawer one more time, which I was now convinced was some sort of hungry, sucking hole to another dimension, and found the passport. It had suctioned itself onto the side of the cabinet and camouflaged itself perfectly there like a gecko.

Speaking of, the last time we were in Bali we were kept up at night on several occasions by raucous geckos in our hotel room. The gecko would windup with a, “gahgahgahGAHGAHGAHGECKO.” It would then scream, “GECKO” every 40 seconds or so like a smoke alarm with a dying battery, making sleep an impossibility. We assumed that anything that could make that much noise must be the size of a Komodo Dragon, and lay there in the bed terrified of the monster we must be sharing the hotel room with, but the next morning we would find the vociferous devil somewhere on the wall and he would be the size of my pinkie, adorable and sleepy as it was settling down to go to sleep (geckos are nocturnal). I don’t know what amplification properties these little lizards have but they are amazing.

Your gecko story reminds me of a caller on "Car Talk." There was a gecko living in her dashboard, and he'd cling to the speedometer needle and ride it as she sped up and slowed down. Click and Clack advised her to take a picture of the gecko and call Geico. "They'll put you in a commercial," they said.

Hope you have a fabulous trip!
I was thinking of you when I heard about the tsunami. I wasn't sure if you had left yet, and I'm glad you were safe at home. Still, I think your sympathetic tsunami of your office was a bit much. But glad you found your Passport, and I hope you enjoy the trip and the wedding.
how about you post something as soon as you can so that I can rest a little easier? I know your world doesn't revolve around me...but somehow you are very dear to me.

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