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Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Loretta: Back on the Boulevard 

My favorite homeless regular/informant told me that Tom, a park nuisance, was picked up and sent to jail again for trespassing in the park. Tom is a football enthusiast and during the football season he cradles a football around in his arms and pretends to hurl it right in people's faces. He is built like a linebacker and when he mimics throwing it he does so with such aggressive force that the impact would surely break someone's nose or give them a concussion. When his targets understandably cower or scream he tells them to lighten up - he's just kidding around, like he's just a misunderstood but loveable comedian who is trying to brighten all of our lives. He is banned from the library but will occasionally pop his head in and pretend to throw his football at the terrified circulation staff. He also likes to stand in the middle of the road and direct imaginary traffic. After he was banned from the park he began taunting the police by putting one foot in the park, screaming "Nyah, Nyah" and then running away. The police tired of his obnoxious childishness and threw him in jail.

Sad news on the Loretta front. The street socialite has been evicted from her third city provided residential hotel room. She was incapable of complying with the most elementary house rules, not to mention basic tenets of decency. Her noisy entertaining of a succession of male callers, whose numbers surpassed even those of which Amanda Wingfield boasted, was grounds enough to have her put back on the street. I predict she will drift back to the park and stake out her traditional corner near the public bathrooms soon.

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