Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Chicken Soup for your Who-Ha 

A while back Elizabeth and I were browsing in a used book store and noticed that all of those fulsome books in the Chicken Soup for your Soul series inexplicably fed right into the women’s sexual health section. Elizabeth remarked, “This must be where you find the Chicken Soup for your Pussy  books." Which isn’t too much of a stretch, considering some of the bizarre and micro market targeted books Jack Canfield's treacly, cultish factory empire emits like so much greenhouse gas. From Canfield's website:

It is our deepest pleasure to offer you Chicken Soup for the Chiropractic Soul. As you begin to read Chicken Soup for the Chiropractic Soul we hope that you will be inspired and moved by the heart warming stories of people like yourself who have chosen chiropractic for a holistic approach to healing, pain relief, and lifelong wellness.

Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Soul features great stories of speed, courage, dedication and over-coming adversity. Buckle up for the fastest-moving Chicken Soup for the Soul book ever as many of the sport's biggest names, including Jeff Gordon and Bobby Labonte, take us inside the race car for one inspirational and uplifting story after another. You'll also hear from devoted fans who share how NASCAR has touched their lives.

Do you love your dental team? Once you've read Chicken Soup for the Dental Soul, you'll never think of the dental office—and the professionals who work there—in the same way again. Eavesdrop on kids at the dentist as they make you laugh and cry; delight in hilarious Tooth Fairy adventures; share in the heartwarming experiences of service to the poor and dental missions to third-world countries; see people's self esteem soar and their lives turn around—all thanks to the help of a caring dental team.

I can never get through one goddamned day at the reference desk without having to help at least one person find one of these insipid ‘inspirational’ books. Here is a list I have compiled for future suggestions, inspired by patrons at the library today.

Chicken Soup for the Bipolar Patron Who Forgot to Take his Meds

Chicken Soup for the Stressed Mother Who Just Lost It with Her Child in the Video Section

Chicken Soup for the Haunted, Heroin Addicted Vietnam Vet

Chicken Soup for the Cheap Euro Tourist Who Would Rather Wait Two Hours for the Internet than Pay for it at the Reasonably Priced Internet Cafe across the Street (they can read it while they wait!)

Chicken Soup for the Vegan’s Soul. Oh, wait… (Elizabeth’s contribution)

Chicken Soup for the Latchkey child who is on his own for Lunch

Chicken Soup for the Computer Game Addicted Child with Gnarled Hands who Hasn’t Played Outside in Years

Chicken Soup for the Oddly Attractive Exposure Tanned Homeless Man

Chicken Soup seething with Salmonella for the Gorgon (hateful woman who yells at the staff and lies pathologically about when she returned her items to weasel out of her late fines)

Chicken Soup for the Skeevy Relic from the Beat Generation Who Now Lives in a Depressing Residential Hotel and Thinks that Women 40 years his Junior whom he Has the Nerve to Hit on Would Actually be Impressed b/c he had a Passing Acquaintance with Jack Kerouac

Chicken Soup for the Sleeper Cell Terrorist

Chicken Soup for the Book Defacer’s Soul

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