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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Ode to Billy Jack 























Ever since he ran off and supplanted his brother, the lionhearted and noble Sid, Billy Jack rules this house unchecked. Even though he is possibly the worst alpha in history (this was the professional opinion of the $40 an hour dog behaviorist who paid us a housecall), he is impossible to resist. He is like an extremely insane but charismatic cult leader. Even downstairs neighbors Fisher and Pam, who are normally sensible people, have fallen under his dark spell of seductive evil and are helpless before him. Smugly secure in his power, he now likes to spend his time surveying the neighborhood, humping Spoon, and sunning his genitals while he reclines on the green chest by the window like he's some sort of Greek god or insane, inbred Roman emperor.

Here is a list of just some of the names we call Billy:
Billigula
100% pure naughty satisfaction
No Good Naughty B
Big Mouth Billy Bass
Da Brat
Salacious Crumb
Pure evil with a dash of cinnamon (cinnamon=Spoon)
Shapeshifting alien parasite
Son of Sam
Wyrm that Dieth Not
William Jackson
Billiam
Dude
goddamnsonbitch
NO, SIR!
Stalin
Jim Jones

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