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Thursday, April 22, 2004



I'm from the government and I'm here to help you

The library tech at the branch I'm working at today gave me a head ups about a patron who has become a bit of a problem. Imagine if Lenny and Squiggy had a baby - and by Lenny I mean the lummox from Of Mice and Men.

Characteristics he shares with Squiggy:
  • black hair, greased and slicked back

  • black leather jacket

  • an annoying relentlessness



  • Characteristics he shares with Lenny from Of Mice and Men:
  • hulking physique

  • mental retardation

  • capacity to suffocate things accidentally



  • Whenever I'm here he always comes in and asks for books about careers in the FBI. There is only one FBI vocational book in the entire system, and it is a reference book down at the main. Each time I print it out the record for him and tell him that he has to go down to the main library if he wants to look at it.

    Well, now it was reported that he is impersonating an FBI agent in the neighborhood. He has really become emboldened and will go so far as to whip open up his jacket like he's flashing his badge and gun when he is trying to enforce random citizens to do things like pick up a piece of litter on the street. The other day he told a frail, elderly Asian patron that he was with the FBI and he was going to arrest her if she didn't stop that man immediately, a vagrant who was urinating outside the library window. She was terrified, and cowered in the children's area until he left when she then reported him to the tech.

    Now we're supposed to tell him if he comes in that falsely identifying yourself as an FBI agent is a federal charge. I'm hoping that I will be on my dinner break.

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