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Saturday, March 06, 2004

Check out this superfan site. He has compiled a list of quotes from Loveline, a call in radio show for people who have questions about love and relationships. It is one of the most entertaining show I have ever listened to, mostly because of the lightning wit of host Adam Corolla and his perfect foil, Dr. Drew Pinsky, a medical doctor and addiction specialist.

After hanging up on a caller, "Ryan," because he seemed hopelessly stupid:
ADAM: You know, there are a few levels of retarded. There's, like, Level 1, and then there's the basement.
DREW: DefCon retarded?
ADAM: Right! DefCon retarded. In the event of some sort of retarded emergency, you crawl into Ryan. There, you'll withstand the bomb.

Talking to a caller about paganism:
CALLER: I'm a witch.
ADAM: Well, the real question is, how fat are you?

Talking to a female caller who began having sex with a guy when she was 13:
CALLER: I lost my virginity to him when I was 13.
ADAM: 13. And then you stopped having sex with him?
CALLER: Yeah. Because I got in a lot of trouble and ended up having to move away to Alaska.
DREW: Because of this guy.
CALLER: No, not because of him, just because I started sneaking out and stuff, and just getting in trouble. And my mom finally got tired of it, and she was like, "You need to go to Alaska." So I ended up just having to move away, I dunno.
DREW: Just picked Alaska from a map?
ADAM: Your mom just threw a dart at a map, and that's where you had to go?
CALLER: No. My aunt and my uncle live there.
ADAM: Listen, I'd be pissed if the trouble-making, whoring, young niece of mine was sent over to squat my frozen farm in Alaska.
CALLER: Whatever! I am not a whore!
ADAM: No, baby, I didn't mean that in a bad way.

To a 20-year-old guy who is having sex with a 15-year-old neighbor:
CALLER: SHE kept coming over to MY place.
ADAM: Listen, if her frisbee kept coming over the fence, would you start humping it?
CALLER: No.
ADAM: Stop having sex with her. Don't be an idiot.
DREW: (Sarcastically) But she keeps coming over!
CALLER: Yeah!
ADAM AND DREW: [sigh]
ADAM: Go kick your dad in the nuts for me, will you? Somehow he's failed you.

CALLER: I want to get my penis pierced.
ADAM: Are you into the Goth scene?
CALLER: Yeah.
ADAM: That means somebody molested you.

Talking to a caller named "Kresta":
ADAM: When somebody calls your name, or pages you in a restaurant, does it always come out sounding like "Krista"?
KRESTA: Yeah.
ADAM: Which is why you should go kick your mom in her fat ass.

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