Saturday, February 28, 2004


"You know folks, I don't blame women for getting upset with men. Do you realize when Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia arrived in Texas this week to meet with President Bush he demanded that no female air traffic controller be allowed to land his flight? Hey Abdullah, I don't think anyone from Saudi Arabia should be telling us how to land a jet anytime soon, okay? [...] You know, just because the women in your country can't see through the burlap sleeping bag you make them wear to shower in, that doesn't mean you can tell our women what to do! That's Oprah's job!"
-- Dennis Miller 3 May 2002

Saturday Night Live has been disappointingly hit or miss lately, but last Saturday's Oprah skit parodying Oprah's 50th birthday episode was brilliant. In the skit, Oprah's studio guest audience, already in a heightened state of excitement to be there on such a momentous and joyful occasion, gets increasingly worked up as Oprah opens each of her gifts. When Oprah announces that all members of the audience will be receving the items as well, the studio audience begins to lose control until it's in one big ecstatic orgy of hysteria. The women scream, sob, tear their hair, and rend their clothes. Like ferocious wild animals, some begin to gnash and gnaw on giant gift turkey breasts still sealed in plastic. The guest audience ends up in an uncontrollable mob free-for-all, tearing each other from limb to limb in this Dioynisian/Maenadic frenzy. Having seen Oprah's 50th birthday party epidode myself, I didn't think the skit was much of an exaggeration.

If you've read my posts before you know that I am in this sort of helpless thrall to Oprah and that I Tivo her show every day. If her topic is some heartbreaking human interest story (like her recent episode on a fistula hospital in Ethiopia), there's nothing more cathartic than to sit down and cry along with Oprah and her audience. If her show is more of a authoritative and directive nature, it's like Oprah is swatting me on the backside with a wooden spoon and scolding me to do right. After she chastens me and sets me straight, it's like she then gives me a hug and envelopes me in her soft bosom, then gives me a hot bath and tucks me into a warm bed. It's heaven, and my day doesn't feel complete without it.

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