Rear Window

We were milling about the kitchen this morning when we heard a man screaming in fury. We ran to the back of the house, toward the direction of the sound, and were treated to a 10 minute screaming tirade performed by one of our neighbors whose back yard abuts ours. The target of his rage is another neighbor whom we’ve never been able/never particularly wanted to identify. She is quite an uninhibited lady, in that she’s very vocal, and likes to turn what should be a most intimate act into a public performance for the neighborhood. Judging by the sounds, she's a real wildcat in the sack. She’s especially fond of nooners, as well as wake-ups, afternoon delights and elevenses, and on nice days like today she likes to have her windows open. Apparently, years of frustration and annoyance over this neighbor’s lack of decorum and discretion caused our neighbor to snap.

“Shut the fuck up! I’m sick of this! You sound like an animal!”

“Who the fuck do you think you are, Jenna Jameson?”

“I work out of my house, and I’m sick of hearing you! I’m trying to work! But then maybe so are you!”

"You sound like you have a 10 inch dildo shoved up your ass!"

"Are you a professional?"

“Are you an animal? Because you sound like you are! You sound like a goddamn ape!”

“I’m fucking not kidding!”

“Why don’t you get your ass down here and we’ll discuss this in person, like adults! Give me one grunt for yes, two grunts for no!”

“I’m so calling your landlord! I can’t work under these conditions! FUCK YOU!”

“What kind of animal makes noise like that! DEAR FUCKING GOD!”

Fisher, Pam the dogs and I were all pressed up against the window. When he began calling her out, E called the police. While E explained to the sweet Latina dispatcher what the man was screaming, the dispatcher replied, “Oh, my!”

I live in a nice neighborhood, and none of us really appreciate the female neighbor’s exhibitionism, but the man’s moral authority was lost by his profanity and the amount of noise he was making. He was disturbing the peace much more than she ever did. Still, it was some exciting neighborhood theater.

Springtime has arrived and love is in the air! Today at the library, two homeless patrons who were making out like teenagers during the weekly film had to be separated.