tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59986032011-12-14T18:43:40.449-08:00Elizabethnoreply@blogger.comBlogger6031100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-81681204595376631422011-03-19T11:31:00.000-07:002011-03-19T12:53:33.495-07:00

I know I am breaking a cardinal rule of blogging by updating my blog so pathetically infrequently. I am continuing to suffer from post partum retardation/feeble mindedness, still forgetting matters of vital importance like zipping my fly and not leaving keys in doors. Motherhood after forty has kicked my ass. I am a spawned out salmon, Charlie after the smart drugs wore off.Librarians are

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-83664765935191561102010-09-25T14:02:00.000-07:002010-09-25T21:29:13.460-07:00

I know I do my fair share of handwringing about the homeless in this city, the down-and-outs’ land of milk and honey, but I have to admit that I am often deeply touched by their gallantry. When I was noticeably pregnant, they were always the first to jump up and insist I take their seat, while not one triathaloned toned businessman ever did. Even when these expensively suited men were seated in

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-60620139566179141642010-07-23T14:59:00.000-07:002010-07-24T09:16:55.527-07:00

I have so many tales of patron exploits to report but stringing all of these stories into coherent sentences just makes…me…so…tired.Here's one that has being making me laugh for a couple of days. A patron was sleeping the sleep of the dead at one of the CD listening stations in the audiovisual room, a long string of saliva petrifying between his lower lip and the counter. When a staff person

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-12796427387906332912010-04-28T15:20:00.001-07:002010-04-28T15:25:53.621-07:00

Spring is in the air, and as everyone knows this is the time of year a young junkie's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of feeding a black tar heroin habit, finding a non-collapsed vein, and LOVE! Here is a picture of two of our friendly neighborhood junkies going at it on this lovely spring day. I apologize for the quality but I walked past them about 10 times trying to get a good shot without

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-55433458466597338012010-02-05T16:37:00.000-08:002010-02-05T16:43:02.233-08:00

Long ago I read a book about a French-Canadian girl who was a servant in a pioneer home in Maine. In the story, all the busy body old crones in the vicinity advise a young mother of a little baby girl to take a red hot coal from the fire, show it to the baby and then press it into her baby’s hand so she would learn to fear the fire and always steer clear of it. The tenderhearted mother can’t bear

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-50807358693240309992010-01-30T15:48:00.001-08:002010-01-30T16:14:36.258-08:00

When it dawned on me that it isn’t standard practice to still be wearing maternity clothes 2 years after giving birth, I bought a NIKE Sport Kit and have been jogging - at a stately pace, but jogging all the same, damnit - during my lunch hour. The most inspirational and enjoyable part of the run is the cheers and words of encouragement shouted at me by the homeless crew that loiter and hang

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-54391396858417622102009-12-19T17:32:00.000-08:002009-12-19T17:52:41.560-08:00

Perhaps ‘tis the season, but lately I’ve been feeling this wondrous feeling of synchronicity, the likes of which a person experiences in the meth honeymoon stage, or a rapidly cycling manic upswing, or schizophrenia. The twins had a play date with their identical twin boy cousins and yet another set of identical twin boys – six in all. I left a comment Facebook picture : the Van Buren Boys!,

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-23388225166426856102009-12-10T19:34:00.000-08:002009-12-10T19:53:26.708-08:00

I was helping jog a patron's memory about a certain Kurosawa film he wanted to see and came across this cultural tidbit in the Wikipedia entry for Dreams. There is an old legend in Japan that states that when the sun is shining through the rain, the kitsune (foxes) have their weddings. That's dumb! Everyone knows that when the sun shines when it rains the devil is beating his wife. It's just

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-27266031046039126932009-11-20T15:23:00.000-08:002009-11-20T15:29:51.229-08:00

Regrettably, I think there's nothing funnier than pun heavy/parody porn titles like John and Kate F*ck Eight or The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Butt. (Other favorites: Shaving Ryan’s Privates, Schindler’s Fist, & The Grudge F*ck). Nothing reduces me to helpless laughter faster. I wish that I didn’t have such a childish sense of humor but since I do I knew it was going to be a challenge when a

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-88631211989269870732009-08-29T14:57:00.000-07:002009-08-30T22:42:51.315-07:00

Most of the local population has discarded their old VCRs after upgrading to DVD machines, and VCR players are becoming hard to find. The library still has a couple of VHS viewing stations, which primarily seem to serve as a comfortable place for patrons to come down off of drugs and alcohol as they while away the time until their next SSI disability check arrives and they can re-up. (OH I KID, I

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-75045610747483808942009-03-06T10:35:00.000-08:002009-03-07T13:30:50.770-08:00

I got a nasty call from a disgruntled patron who lives on the other side of the state (this system issues library cards to every state resident, don’t get me started) outraged over the lag time he experienced when he used the library’s database subscription to Rosetta Stone. The problem lay in the fact that he was trying to access it using a satellite modem. Rosetta Stone is an incredibly data

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-18259301358791201692009-03-04T14:11:00.000-08:002009-03-04T14:19:39.598-08:00

Today I found out one of my patrons died. He was a regular so I had been wondering why I hadn’t seen him in a while. A couple of months ago he was stabbed to death in one of those seedy residential hotel rooms and then his body dumped like so much trash into a dumpster behind the building. The murder remains unsolved, and the police have been unable even to locate next of kin. One of my

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-79464728270535192602009-01-24T13:07:00.000-08:002009-02-19T15:44:54.467-08:00

Two patrons decided to resolve some matter by fisticuffs in the atrium, right in front of a visiting class of elementary school children. If I had witnessed a fist fight at such an age I would have most likely burst into tears, but the children were delighted and immediately began pounding their tiny fists into the palms of their hands and chanting, “Fight, fight, fight!” Security broke the fight

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-60038314566995224722008-12-24T16:01:00.000-08:002008-12-24T16:18:38.568-08:00

A boy, 8 years old according to his record, called the library to renew his books. He was telling me his library card when I heard his mother call to him in the background. I don't like it when people try to talk to me when I'm trying to use the phone, but telling one's mother, who was only trying to help, to shut the hell up on Christmas Eve is really asking for a big lump of coal and a switch

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-10597745780508377272008-12-10T16:15:00.000-08:002008-12-11T12:07:55.663-08:00

Bum's RushThere’s a vegetarian restaurant in town that is owned and operated by a Hare Krishna like religious sect that let’s just say has made its way on the list of several cult watch groups. The restaurant’s walls are decorated with photographs of the group’s charismatic leader performing humanly impossible feats of strength, or posing with Mother Theresa and Princess Di, or holding forth

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-21730094911823562192008-11-15T11:39:00.000-08:002008-12-09T19:19:31.192-08:00

You indicate that I still have the book Havana Nocturne checked out. It was originally due Nov. 2nd, but I put it in the return bin outside of the library on October 24 at about 8:10 a.m. I remember it clearly because a homeless man was throwing up right next to it (yuck!)Like those in the dentistry, law enforcement and proctology professions, we hear a lot of bad and outrageous lies at the

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-15841563083850109192008-11-08T11:12:00.001-08:002008-11-08T13:44:47.447-08:00

A man, one of those filthy, wild eyed street prophets so common in this city, marched into one of the sleepier branches in the system dragging a young woman behind him. She was considerably younger than he was, and seemed dreamy and out of it. This is a branch patronized principally by acid burnouts on disability, throwaway kids and various other drop outs and casualties of the Summer of Love. He

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-73217457003656642402008-10-30T11:30:00.000-07:002008-10-30T12:13:11.424-07:00

Don't even try denying it, because I know exactly what's going through your head right now: What would this hair look like spilled across my bedroom pillow in the moonlight?Now that I'm no longer pregnant I've resumed commuting by bike to work. I will be so sad to miss out on unexpected pleasures like this.I found some mullet inspired haiku on the internet. I have entitled this one Mullet

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-41775697927391490002008-10-18T15:00:00.000-07:002008-10-18T15:10:10.457-07:00

I apologize for the long hiatus but something about pregnancy and the post partum period made me too mentally thick to blog. I felt like the guy in Flowers for Algernon after the experimental procedure wears off and his IQ plummets from genius levels to his original IQ score of 68. Since I was hardly at genius levels to begin with, I basically went from functional to persistent vegetative state.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-86392692267125003312008-07-20T13:09:00.000-07:002008-12-10T02:59:04.814-08:00

I will return soon.

Elizabethnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-62763479703648867432008-04-30T13:52:00.000-07:002008-04-30T14:12:29.399-07:00

The New York Times recently reported that IM chat slang is creeping into school reports, driving teachers crazy. It also seems to be making its way just as inappropriately into pregnancy scare letters. Look at this gem that E found in a newly returned book, a note in which some young lady contemplates the future direction of her relationship after a potential pregnancy crisis.dear Simon,Since our

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-35037468824624059482008-04-12T13:49:00.000-07:002008-04-12T13:53:08.702-07:00

I have a soft spot for the misunderstood creatures of the world, the spotted hyena in particular. They are an evolutionary oddity, a chimera, with snaky long necks and strangely shortened rear legs that give them their comical, awkward gait. Although they resemble a bear/dog/lion mixture, their closest relative, and not a close one, is the mongoose.But here’s where spotted hyenas get really weird

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-30232020076874662592008-03-25T19:02:00.000-07:002008-03-26T12:26:20.131-07:00

Last Sunday E was at the sketchiest Burger King in the city, which, naturally, is located right across the street from the library. A seedy looking man leaned in the door and called to his lady, who was standing next to the food pickup station, clutching a grimy receipt.“Oh, honey,” he said in the stilted, carefully enunciated words of a bad liar, "We're going to be late for…church, so you better

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-61030760862985373812008-03-23T13:21:00.001-07:002008-03-24T11:00:56.272-07:00

We're going to have our own Easter egg hunt in the stacks of the the library today and by "Easter eggs" I mean human feces.David Sedaris did a hilarious segment on This American Life about this phenomenon, although he focuses mostly on the goings on at large retail chains. His theory is that it is an acting out, a fecal uprising, against faceles corporatation, like throwing a rock through a

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-44315480441790482942008-03-21T21:07:00.001-07:002008-12-10T02:59:04.998-08:00

Or puts the unborn in its place. Although this cannot be comfortable for Billy, and it certainly is not for me, my ever expanding abdomen has become his new favorite perch. I suspect he senses that there's a rival in there who must be told his place in the pack. Or perhaps he is trying to help me incubate it in his own special way.According to the Dog Wheeesperer, some of the ways dogs exert

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-83524123775352185822008-03-13T19:08:00.000-07:002008-03-13T19:30:33.723-07:00

During my last hour on the desk some workmen were jackhammering stonework that had become a tripping hazard not 20 feet away. The noise was deafening and made meaningful reference work or even conversation impossible. As frustrating and nerve rattling as the conditions were, I was reminded of my all time favorite Snopes entry.Fun fact: More than a quarter of pregnant West Virginians smoke! You

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-45928367442543344712008-03-13T13:18:00.000-07:002008-03-13T19:26:05.030-07:00

I am completely disgusted. Your pregnancy is ridiculously long and the results unimpressively small. I myself gestated a brood of six puppies in just 63 days. By the time you reached your fourth month I had my puppies whelped, weaned and sold off to good homes for a tidy profit. I also had my figure back.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-80988725557030455012008-03-11T19:34:00.001-07:002008-03-15T10:50:41.204-07:00

Here is a photograph that really showcases the infamous Key head. Doesn't it make you wince? I imagine my poor, dear great-grandmother is gazing down upon her baby (either my grandmother or great-aunt) in disbelief that she survived childbirth. Such an immense, disproportionate head doesn’t even seem evolutionarily possible. Has it really been over a month since I posted last? This pregnancy has

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-75439236774715334342008-02-01T14:50:00.000-08:002008-02-01T15:26:48.728-08:00

I do apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, but I've just feeling too sick to write. For the past few months I have been whipsawing between nausea and voracity. The cruelest part of the whole situation is that it's like being carsick, in that reading makes it so much worse, which is a special kind of hell for a librarian. This stage should have ended weeks ago, and I do feel a slight

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-91053675633432014432007-12-08T13:44:00.000-08:002008-12-10T02:59:05.214-08:00

I so hope that this is not going to end in "The Yearling" style heartbreak, but I'm adoring the photos for now:http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/A cousin was telling me how when he lived in Jackson Hole he saw a coyote slink up in broad daylight and snatch and carry off a 15 pound pug that had been sunning itself on his neighbor's porch. And not to be its bride, I'm afraid - no trace of the pug

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-32206561044674475542007-12-06T16:53:00.000-08:002007-12-07T09:35:57.793-08:00

Dateline: front of the library, 8:45 AM.A seedy looking couple waiting for the doors to the library to open so they could begin their morning toilette bickered. The woman, clutching her breakfast Colt 45, began to upbraid her companion. She pointed her finger at him and declared, “You need to shape up and start getting your shit together!”I believe those in the field of psychology would call this

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-45230604716296992922007-12-04T17:50:00.001-08:002008-12-10T02:59:05.844-08:00

I deeply apologize for falling off the face of the earth. I have been working on a creative project of a different sort lately and it has completely kicked my ass. If things go well, we'll be expecting the little pitter pat of feet in June. More details soon, I promise.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-15241836640938617332007-11-10T14:53:00.000-08:002007-11-10T20:26:43.388-08:00

A colleague from San Jose sent us pictures of the mess the latest earthquake out there caused. Life in earthquake country... When I was in library school, I visited a friend in San Francisco for spring break. He was a first year medical student, and he gave me a tour of his classrooms and laboratory. There was one lab that had all of its shelves lined with glass jars of fetuses in all the stages

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-49073045967691730172007-11-02T11:01:00.000-07:002007-11-02T11:05:05.108-07:00

In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears. "We have to give them practical advice, too, like tell them which bus drivers hate them, which manholes are covering up underground government prisons, which statues don't love

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-51387512616675543632007-10-30T13:14:00.000-07:002007-10-30T22:09:14.622-07:00

Hello, I need a publisher’s contact information. For a magazine.No problem. What is the name of the magazine?It’s a…uh…an adult magazine. Is that O.K.?“Go ahead,” I replied using the weary, flat affect of one who’s heard it all, a tone I’ve been really cultivating lately.Mandate. One word, I think.I turned to Ulrich’s, the venerable, authoritative reference source of bibliographic and publisher

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-83562926133225566812007-10-20T13:06:00.000-07:002007-10-20T15:59:00.621-07:00

"I didn't RTFA, so I'm just guessing gangs of wild goats ate the homeless. Once goats get the taste for human flesh, they'll never go back to tin cans again. This is problematic."Goats destroy homeless habitat. I hope these goats famously indiscriminate digestive systems can handle all of the hypodermic needles.Billy, Spoon and I pass by an overgrown hillside on our morning walk each day. The

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-15338219992126644992007-10-15T11:45:00.000-07:002007-10-15T11:50:14.623-07:00

A woman called on Saturday and wanted to know if she could bring her cat to the library. "Is this a" clearing my throat "service animal?""Nah. It's just that my cat gets lonely if I leave it at home for too long.""I'm sorry, only service animals are permitted in the building."Lolcats.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-61585408218883677472007-10-10T18:29:00.000-07:002007-10-10T18:54:27.796-07:00

One of the most delightful and wondrous literary creations of late are the daemons in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. In the somewhat parallel world where the books take place, humans have a visible animal spirit called a daemon accompanying them at all times. The daemons speak and serve as both conscience and beloved companion. Children’s daemons shape shift until puberty, then

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-79165410514078662922007-09-29T15:33:00.000-07:002007-10-10T19:00:32.505-07:00

A brood of drag queens dressed to the nines in marabous and high heels, chiffon negligees and diaphanous nightgowns spilling out of a bar to smoke on the sidewalk. The sidewalk glowed with them. They raised their champagne and martini glasses to me as a biked by. At 8:45 on a Tuesday morning, an unexpected benediction. It felt like grace.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-41477563059226826162007-09-22T14:17:00.000-07:002007-09-22T14:57:47.597-07:00

Billy has been recuperating from kidney issues resulting from the heat prostration he suffered in Texas. To his embarrassment, sometimes he cannot make it through the entire night without a trip to the yard, and will apologetically scratch the door for me to take him out in the middle of the night. The other night I awoke to a thud as he jumped from the bed and ran to the door. I staggered out

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-56877693499239282372007-09-20T16:53:00.000-07:002007-09-20T21:21:43.146-07:00

While I was poking around for Big Love Youtube clips of my new favorite character, Rhonda, I stumbled across some of little Daveigh Chase’ earlier work in Donnie Darko. Sparkle Motion!Sparkle Motion’s little dance routine pretty much sums up everything that was wrong (and yet so right) about the 80s.Which then led me to the Donnie Darko scene that contains one of the greatest lines in cinematic

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-33579673734908948282007-09-19T12:58:00.000-07:002007-09-20T09:27:39.916-07:00

Ever since I watched the movie Mildred Pierce, I’ve always had a soft spot for fledgling femme fatales. Even though they’re on their way to being conniving, hard as nails and utterly ruthless adults, there is something adorable and vulnerable about them at this age, like a panther cub with clumsy, too big paws. Veda Pierce, as scheming, spoiled, grasping, and murderous as she may be, is just such

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-39572206468593803892007-09-15T14:40:00.000-07:002007-09-15T14:42:52.129-07:00

A patron presented the manager of circulations and fines with what looked like a legal bankruptcy document discharging the costs of some books he had never returned. Although the document had a judge’s signature on it, the document looked doctored, like several different pieces had been laid out on a single page and then photocopied together to make it appear as if they part of the same letter.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-29100024022539084232007-09-13T18:07:00.000-07:002007-09-13T18:08:11.669-07:00

I can't return my seriously overdue books because...For religious reasons, I have taken a vow of silence and cannot leave my apartment. (via email)My landlord will have all of the locks changed if I leave my apartment. I can’t leave my house! The last time I did the power company demolished my back bedroom with a bulldozer.I loaned them to a friend and my friend's house was condemned by the city

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-63223679125627726532007-09-08T14:45:00.000-07:002007-09-08T14:51:34.242-07:00

I apologize for the lack of postings. I’ve been at another family funeral, and have been preoccupied with all of the attendant obligations. Besides being a co-executor of the estate, I had to write yet another obituary, a duty at which I’ve become a reluctant old hand. It’s all made me weary.E thought that the Microsoft should configure the coy little paperclip avatar/help agent “Clippy” to say,

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-81994137974550703022007-09-06T19:44:00.000-07:002007-09-06T20:59:44.936-07:00

I’ve returned to the city and it is good to be back. I missed the colorful scenery on my way to and from work, like that of a trannie prostitute preening and applying lipstick in a parked car's sideview mirror, her hips cocked saucily, or the groups of men loitering with casual menace on street corners. Perhaps I'm completely depraved but who cares? In any case, I'm not going to let it concern me

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-66487904312466674522007-08-11T16:01:00.000-07:002007-08-12T10:24:37.307-07:00

Not because I have eugenics fantasies, but because clinical trials "the abortion pill" show promise that it dramatically relieves psychotic episodes. Many people suffering from the worst kind of psychotic delusions have haywire high levels of cortisol, and it appears that RU-486 blocks brain cortisol receptors. In any case, there would be a lot less of these reference emails that fill my inbox:

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-51430828010695287612007-08-09T15:47:00.000-07:002007-08-09T19:38:31.798-07:00

A weathered, tweaked out woman slapped her copy card down on the desk and demanded a refund for the remaining balance of $.40 because she was “leaving this town forever.”The librarian told her that she would have to fill out a form for the copy machine vendor before we would issue her a cash refund."I don’t have time for that!" she hollered. "You damn people, fucking my life up in every way!" She

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-5952965337947141212007-07-21T16:32:00.000-07:002007-08-12T10:22:45.595-07:00

There was some Euro rave festival outside and a beautiful, willowy Japanese girl wearing platform shoes, white furry thigh highs, a pink micro mini, and shimmering gold tube top wandered in to use our bathrooms. Her long hair was pulled back into girlish pigtails, and she looked like she had just flitted out of the pages of manga. She fainted on the stairs, a result of too much club drugs I

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-73760243041045591842007-07-14T14:28:00.000-07:002007-07-14T17:39:27.963-07:00

Twice a week there is a farmer's market right across the street from the library where you can really take in all the mind boggling, year round bounty of this state. At the market there is a mushroom stand with which I have a wary fascination. The people who work there remind me of members of some aging hippie biker cult/commune from the sixties that never disbanded. They all have a similar look:

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-11653795590860641342007-07-10T17:53:00.000-07:002007-07-10T18:07:26.744-07:00

We're really trying to get administration buy-in instant message reference. They want a demonstration, and this is what I fear will happen as they're all gathered 'round my computer screen.Patron: I need some of the uses for piLibrarian: Hello, welcome to IM reference. Do you want some practical applications for pi?Patron: YepLibrarian: According to Encyclopedia Brittanica, it can be used “in

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-8722407259484500302007-06-30T11:51:00.000-07:002007-06-30T11:55:48.317-07:00

One of the records management clerks, a man named Jeff, had the most extravagantly decorated cubicle I had ever seen. It was something to behold, every surface covered with University of Alabama football crap: ceramic elephants, banners, posters, buttons, ribbons and other things I can only categorize as ‘flair.’ It looked like the lair of a hoarder with fanatical school spirit. Upon learning

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-33337932800830434232007-06-26T17:15:00.000-07:002007-06-27T12:37:32.956-07:00

The library is executing a crack down on the size and number of bags patrons are allowed to bring into the library. For security and hygiene reasons large bags have always been forbidden, but patrons have traditionally managed to drag in ridiculously large bags with impunity. I suspect the recent reinforcement has something to do with an epidemic of a super strain of bed bugs that is bedeviling

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-73824651022776725992007-06-16T10:34:00.000-07:002007-06-16T16:45:54.345-07:00

At the library I often see women who look just like Charlize Theron…in Monster. Although the movie Monster was about the quality of your average Lifetime for Women made for TV movie, Charlize Theron’s transformation into Aileen Wuornos, drifter, prostitute and serial killer, was truly extraordinary. The scene I remember most in the movie took place at a dingy roller skating rink. Christina Ricci

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-49968526334696371252007-06-15T16:43:00.000-07:002007-06-15T16:49:52.627-07:00

A woman in a sequin top and fucia beret, drunk as a lord, wobbled up to the desk. “Why, hellllllo! Do you have the movie Sounder? I just came from a Mother’s Day lunch.” She leaned in and mimed knocking back a drink. “Now I’m finished with my lunch and I want to watch SOUNDER!” She threw back her head and howled, “Soundeeeeer!My colleague led her over to the public catalog and helped her look up

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-24495626286765445322007-06-08T15:42:00.000-07:002007-06-16T10:44:44.478-07:00

It’s a hard world for little electronics, especially if they’re owned by me. In all my lifetime I have never lost a cell phone, but in a dark period of less than 3 months I have lost two of them. The first phone suffered a gruesome fate. I was leaving work and reaching for the passenger side door handle of the car and the phone slipped right out of my hand and dropped with blade like precision

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-86845780843423819082007-06-05T17:02:00.000-07:002007-06-05T18:11:29.493-07:00

I became disgusted by all the sweets I had mindlessly been eating over the holiday so I quit eating sugar as a New Year’s resolution. Since then the weight has been melting off my body at an outstanding rate. I never really had a sweet tooth and consequently didn’t even eat that much sugar, but obviously the amount I did consume was doing one hell of a whammy on my metabolism. I’m not saying

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-86455511656027891022007-06-01T17:21:00.000-07:002007-06-02T17:40:48.198-07:00

One of Billy and Spoon's favorite pastimes is to torment each other in that special sibling way. They especially delight in lording over the fact that they have a toy the other one wants. We cannot figure out how a toy achieves most favored status, because a toy will be shunned for months and then become the one most sought after by both of them. It doesn't matter if the toy is it is a chicken

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-8310636270343299232007-05-26T12:35:00.000-07:002007-06-09T09:46:57.066-07:00

I'm sure you have already heard this recording of the cop who calls 911 because he fears he has overdosed on pot brownies, brownies he made from marijuana stolen from the evidence locker. Ever since my days at the Sheriff’s Office I’ve maintained a special fondness for cops, especially slightly dirty ones, but this guy – what a hypocritical fool. That old saw that cops always having the best

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-91454041528949573792007-05-23T15:28:00.000-07:002007-05-23T17:08:29.367-07:00

A woman on my block has recently gotten herself involved with poodle rescue, and now she spends all of her spare time trolling the kill shelters for little white poodles, a breed of which there seems to be an endless, abandoned supply. She adopted two for herself and now she has begun coercing all her friends on the street into adopting as well, much to the dismay of their husbands. Many of the

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-61042266352962952402007-05-22T17:01:00.000-07:002007-05-22T23:15:56.946-07:00

Today a librarian reluctantly followed a series of olfactory clues to a man perched squatting on one of the library's metal, knee high trashcans. His pants were rolled down and there was no mistaking for what purpose he was using the trashcan. The librarian was aghast."Sir, what are you doing? Why aren't you using the bathroom?""I couldn't find a bathroom," he grunted.She backed away to call

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-45942259489232708932007-05-12T16:25:00.000-07:002007-05-12T16:38:25.081-07:00

My colleague was retrieving a book from the stacks when she came across a woman in the stacks. She looked like a crack whore, but a very stylish crack whore, with a purple sequined halter top and retro bellbottom pants that hung perfectly on her skeletal frame. She was twitching and vibrating with the effects of the drugs, her eyes wild with hallucination. “You’re the devil,” she hissed at my

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-47195387525430402142007-05-09T19:25:00.000-07:002007-05-09T21:13:22.497-07:00

I was having trouble with my security access card at the employee entrance the other morning. I keep my badge in an outer pocket of my backpack so I just have to wave my backpack at the security pad to unlock the doors, which are set back in an alcove. For whatever reason it wasn’t reading my badge through my backpack so I fished into my bag to retrieve it. I was clearly having a hard time trying

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-43885450005795137792007-05-05T12:24:00.000-07:002007-05-05T13:22:32.390-07:00

The 15 minute internet computers have been relocated to the back of the building. All the desks are facing the other direction and it is difficult to keep a close eye on them. Predictably, many patron behavior problems - carousing, fisticuffs, drug dealing, line jumping – have blossomed there. Now that our backs are turned it is like a perverse game of Mother May I, and when we whip our heads

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-34357334152455891202007-04-29T15:12:00.000-07:002007-04-29T19:49:38.857-07:00

Good night! I know that flowers are the genitalia of the plant world, but come on! With its heart shaped 'tongue', its lower petals, coyly crossed, looking as if they're wearing thigh high garter stockings pulled up to plump little buttocks - Georgia O'Keefe only wishes she could paint something so suggestive.By the way, this little strumpet is the Highland Masdevallia.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-39778633333528165392007-04-20T15:58:00.000-07:002007-04-21T10:25:07.995-07:00

I got a call the other day from a man who wanted a local mannequin manufacturer. When I could find no evidence of the company he angrily disputed my spelling of mannequin, insisting the word was spelled "manican." I told him that there was no company with either spelling and he seemed crestfallen. He then asked for the closest manufacturer. He wasn't interested in used mannequins, or mannequin

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-54152901075258879872007-04-12T14:05:00.000-07:002007-04-14T09:41:19.394-07:00

A young man called the other day.Hello, I’m trying to use the library’s databases to access the Wall Street Journal but the system won’t accept my library card. All right, let’s try to see what's going. Please read me your library card’s barcode.He rattled off a long number that wasn't even in the ballpark of one of my system's cards.Hmmm. That doesn’t sound like one of ours. What you gave me has

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-9457359878403716722007-04-08T16:15:00.000-07:002007-04-09T11:57:50.141-07:00

E created this Youtube tribute to Billy Jack after being deeply inspired by John Parr's 80s power ballad Naughty Naughty.The reviews of John Parr on Amazon are hilarious and appear to be written by Jim Anchower, my favorite Onion columnist.If I had my own country, this would be the national anthem.That's what my girlfriend recently said to me while we were listening to John Parr's Don't Leave

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-78908088204806680932007-04-07T11:54:00.000-07:002007-04-07T11:56:25.798-07:00

We work the reference desk in teams. The other day one of the security guards strolled up and leaned into the desk. I was stationed with a colleague who resembles me, enough so that patrons often confuse us. “A patron complained that one of you, he wouldn’t say which one, is calling his daughter in Los Angeles and telling the most despicable lies about him.” He motioned his head toward the

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-15841001686326960292007-04-03T19:36:00.000-07:002007-04-03T21:47:07.225-07:00

A few years a colleague cut through a rather lonesome, out-of-the-way section of the back offices. When she turned a corner she saw one of the older librarians primly seated at a typewriter typing on index cards. The librarian was so absorbed in her task that she was completely oblivious to the naked man not five feet behind her, curled in a fetal position on the floor, weeping and masturbating

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-91547178492266496222007-03-30T14:47:00.000-07:002007-03-31T11:39:12.945-07:00

Instant Message Transcript:Patron: Hi, I am high school teacher from Germany. I am studying a lot about America at school and would need access to the newspaper database to get articles. Right now I am doing a project on the 1992 race riots ... which means I would need original newspaper articles from back then. Is there any way to be allowed access to your databases from Germany?Librarian: I

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-24968412895119841802007-03-27T17:15:00.000-07:002007-03-29T21:40:52.886-07:00

A patron called and wanted to know the details of Adam Walsh's disappearance and murder. As my colleague read her an account, the patron began emitting these huge, choking sobs . "S-s-sorry. It's just so suh-uh-ad!" I think we can all agree it was a sickening tragedy, but how does such a sensitive soul cope in this world? A lot of our patrons seem this way. Blake put it best:"Some are born to

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-32795112654657440072007-03-18T10:19:00.000-07:002007-03-18T21:49:58.371-07:00

From the NYT's review of Vollman's latest:"For decades, and at great personal risk, Vollmann has made a calling and a career of mixing with people whom most of us avoid and of listening, at length, to the unheard, whom he typically, and appropriately, pays to speak to him."This is especially true while he was researching The Royal Family and Whores for Gloria. He immersed himself in San

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-68399901116064693842007-03-15T17:08:00.000-07:002007-03-17T17:30:10.935-07:00

Poor, poor Spoon was not invited to the little girl next door’s party. She spent the day sighing heavily as she watched the little dressed up girls run around the yard and eat cake.Spoon really needs a stripping. She now resembles an extremely fuzzy, extremely poisonous caterpillar. When she walks her hair ripples and undulates just like the stinging hairs of a caterpillar. If I catch her out of

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-88187228382715108952007-03-13T16:56:00.000-07:002007-03-15T17:18:44.718-07:00

The other night at dinner the conversation somehow turned toward pigs. Pigs’ appetites are legendary, but something we certainly can’t fault them for since humans are the ones who have selectively bred them that way. At time their voracity can be put to productive use, like at my grandmother's farm property. One of the ponds had became infested with water moccasins, a very aggressive, territorial

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-72117217539253902192007-03-13T14:15:00.000-07:002007-03-13T14:47:38.276-07:00

The Bikram studio I attend recently acquired an industrial humidifier which, during class, sits in the corner and hisses and spews a column of steam like a chained dragon. The studio is now as sultry and steamy as Danang, a big improvement from the searing, dry, pre-humidifier days. The owner used to be in the HVAC business and installed this system that could probably roast every student alive

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-80208436345916058382007-03-10T15:19:00.000-08:002007-03-11T13:09:51.150-07:00

I finally finished off Pox: Genius, Madness, and the Mysteries of Syphilis. As fascinating a read as it was, even a morbid gorehound like myself who likes to curl up before bedtime with books like this could only handle all the chronicles of suffering in small, carefully timed chunks. Before I read the book it never really dawned on me how profoundly significant syphilis was from a historical

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-41594662794364034312007-03-06T19:22:00.000-08:002007-03-06T23:40:06.526-08:00

I lost patience with one of our patrons the other evening and I feel a bad about it. I believe that this patron is a transient who blew into town couple of weeks ago. Since then, he's in the library from the time the doors open until security hustles him out at closing. He has an asymmetrical bowl haircut, the buggy eyes of someone suffering from a thyroid condition and a garbage bag filled with

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-71931174320015912872007-03-01T16:05:00.000-08:002007-03-01T19:14:07.971-08:00

In my public internet class the other day I demonstrated the power of using quotations in a search by having my pupils type "the woods are lovely, dark and deep" in their Google search fields."Does anybody recognize this phrase?" I asked."Yeah! They said it in that Chuck Bronson movie!!!” an elderly African American man from Georgia sitting on the front row shouted.“Actually, it’s from the poem

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1172521573748734762007-02-26T11:01:00.000-08:002007-02-26T18:11:25.166-08:00

I think my iPod's fucking with me. I’ve been experiencing a lot of eerie synchronicity with the music on my Ipod and the world outside. The other day I was listening to the song Southside on my way to Krav Maga. When I arrived at the studio, the instructor was blasting Southside on the sound system at almost the exact point of my iPod. While I was walking home after class a sign in my

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1172186756428561302007-02-22T15:06:00.000-08:002007-02-22T19:26:36.046-08:00

I apologize for the lack of updates but I have been handling the bulk of the email and IM reference and it’s been much more physically and emotionally draining than I could have ever anticipated. This electronic reference seems to reach a whole new…class of patrons and sometimes the magnitude of their problems, desperation and witlessness fills with me with this sort of despairing wonder. They're

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1171133079340611212007-02-10T10:35:00.000-08:002007-02-10T15:52:24.660-08:00

From a popular on-line review site...A junkie in the bathroom asked me to help her shoot up as she attempted to simultaneously wrap a slender piece of rubberized hose around her bicep, tugging at it with her teeth and holding a disgustingly dirty needle in the other hand. I'm nice but I ain't that nice...The crazies will talk to each other out loud here and then bitch about the librarians talking

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1170895465240125162007-02-07T16:36:00.000-08:002007-03-08T15:02:08.040-08:00

A patron keeps pestering us about when the library's copy of The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers will be available for circulation. True crime is a popular subject - we can hardly keep Ann Rule books on the shelves - and many patrons, including sweet little old ladies with a twinkle in their eye I have come to recognize as bloodthirsty, are serial killer/sensational murder enthusiasts. This patron

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1170381570829167902007-02-01T17:55:00.000-08:002007-02-01T18:51:18.980-08:00

Patron:I need you to tell me what photosynthesis is.Librarian: From Encarta: Photosynthesis, process by which green plants and certain other organisms use the energy of light to convert carbon dioxide and water into the simple sugar glucose. In so doing, photosynthesis provides the basic energy source for virtually all organisms. An extremely important byproduct of photosynthesis is oxygen, on

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1170278824014744002007-01-31T13:22:00.000-08:002007-01-31T13:28:28.546-08:00

Addressing a school assembly on safety... Now, girls, I don't care if you wear mini-skirts. I don't care if you wear Dungarees. I don't care if you're good at basketball, I don't care if you're fun to be around. But you can rest assured that every one of you, at some point, is going to be raped. And your doctor will give you some good news. Gold pot at the end of the rainbow, you're pregnant.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1169777585655815152007-01-25T17:57:00.000-08:002007-01-25T21:35:35.136-08:00

Hello and welcome to my recent visitor from Stillwater, Oklahoma using Chickasaw Telecommunications Services, Inc! I can see from Statcounter that you stumbled across my site using the key words "HUSTLER BEAVER HUNT" but instead of amateur hardcore found my humble, porn free (mostly) blog instead. I do consider it the highest compliment that you stayed for a spell, and even visited some of my

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1169686833731553112007-01-24T16:55:00.000-08:002007-01-31T14:15:07.560-08:00

“Library information, may I help you?”“Girl, NO WAY! What a ho!”“Information, how may I help you?”“Wait a minute. I’m on a bus. Can you hear me?”“Just barely.”“Just wait a minute and the people next to me should quiet down”More screaming and laughing.“Perhaps this isn’t a good time. Why don’t you call me back when you’re somewhere I can hear you.”“NOOO! I need to know if you have the following

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1169333874978827522007-01-20T14:52:00.000-08:002007-01-20T21:01:19.376-08:00

One of the regular patrons here has a fixation on military history. He also has some sort of mental condition which I have diagnosed as “barking mad.” An older gentleman with duct taped coke bottle glasses and greasy gray hair, he’ll materialize at the desk and hold forth, orating at a volume level like he is addressing the crowds at one of the imperial forums. His favorite topic is the military

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1169002371371417862007-01-16T18:41:00.000-08:002007-01-19T18:55:17.366-08:00

After a crapulent last few months I'm on a regimen of Krav Maga and Bikram yoga. The different philosophies of these two forms are making me feel like I have a split personality, though, because when I'm at Krav Maga punching or kicking the bag or extricating myself from a stranglehold it's all, "Die, motherfucker, die!!!" and when I'm at yoga it's all about serenity, peace, acceptance and

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1168126933763550372007-01-06T15:20:00.000-08:002007-01-07T11:35:13.906-08:00

*Just a moment, executioner, just a small moment...Recently I watched Marie Antoinette, Sophia Coppola’s entertaining confectionery of a movie, and have since been reading up on the fates of all of the principles. I knew it ended badly for most of them, but because Ms Coppola stops the movie before the trials, guillotines and raving mobs I wanted to brush up on the details. Wikipedia has

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1167426902605993412006-12-29T12:58:00.000-08:002007-01-02T09:38:34.496-08:00

I hate Matthew Lesko, that flim flam artist who is the bane of librarian and government worker's existences. Due to his criminally misleading television commercials, especially the one shilling his book "Free money fto Pay your Bills,” I have confused, desperate patrons waving their overdue credit card/final notice utility bills in my face in the misguided belief that Lesko’s book will provide

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1166908396770701022006-12-23T12:56:00.000-08:002006-12-29T17:44:24.883-08:00

One of the many pleasures of my job is the fascinating and varied topics my patrons expose me to when asking for my help in research. In my department I only get to do initial, superficial research before I have to send patrons on their way to a subject specialist on another floor, but often if a patron's question intrigues me, I will spend days absorbed in the subject on my own, with, of course,

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1166488742572203652006-12-18T16:18:00.000-08:002006-12-23T13:15:03.496-08:00

Here is a recumbant Billy practicing his bedroom eyes. I can't decide whether he's more Venus of Urbino or Carravagio's Bacchus. Notice how Bacchus is posed in that peculiar Roman patrician reclining posture to eat. To me, that does not seem like a body position that would lend itself to ease of digestion, and seems much more awkwardly uncomfortable than luxurious. Perhaps lounging about like

Elizabethnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1166131975300927082006-12-14T13:14:00.000-08:002006-12-16T10:30:08.130-08:00

Because I have been writing my share lately, and have a morbid streak in the best of circumstances, I've become very interested in the craft of writing an obituary. The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson is a great read and highlights many of the best of the genre, many of which hale from the London Times, a publication is known for

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1165353645933093002006-12-05T13:18:00.000-08:002006-12-05T15:01:59.873-08:00

Crab season kicked off recently and inadvertent hilarity ensued when I called the Safeway seafood department to inquire if there were any in stock.“Do you have crabs?” I asked the butcher. I didn’t realize the implications of what I had said until E, who had overhead my question, began shrieking with laughter. “Didn’t you mean to ask if he had CRAB?” Then I started laughing myself and

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1164998104796715662006-12-01T10:01:00.000-08:002006-12-01T11:09:33.780-08:00

Sorry for the radio silence but I was called home for yet another family funeral and asked to write another obituary... This was only a week after my good frisbee buddy and frequent Foxylibrarian commentator Ryan Stich was killed in a motorcycle accident in Georgia. What a shame and what a waste.When the family is gathered all together like that I get to snoop around for more family lore - one

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1163732390521912762006-11-16T18:54:00.000-08:002006-11-17T13:05:56.213-08:00

This is rather apocryphal, but I love it. Here Churchill is responding to accusations that he has not given the Royal Navy its due.Addressing the Sea Lords: "You say that I am ignoring the time-honored traditions of the Royal Navy? And what might they be? I shall tell you in three words: rum, buggery, and the lash! Good morning, sirs."If I ever get a boat, I am so naming it "Rum, Buggery and the

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1163645723760571122006-11-15T18:46:00.001-08:002006-11-15T18:58:21.050-08:00

I was trying to find this page turner in the urban fiction genre on Amazon for a patron. The title wasn't coming up in Amazon, and then it dawned on me that the asterisk was acting as some sort of truncator or wild card and it was throwing the search off. I left the asterisk out, typed in "booty call 69" and voila. Publishers really should consider these sort of things when coming up with titles.

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1163635457206605642006-11-15T16:02:00.000-08:002006-11-15T16:04:17.513-08:00

A little girl, no more than eight years old, quietly approached the desk. She reached into her Powderpuff Girl’s backpack and pulled out Isaac Asimov’s Nightfall. “Hello. I’m looking for the short story "Nightfall" by Isaac Asimov.”“It’s not in that book?”“I'm looking for the short story. This is the result of collaboration with another author, Robert Silverberg. Together he and Asimov and

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5998603.post-1163201057027510362006-11-10T15:13:00.000-08:002006-12-05T21:18:18.833-08:00

When fed-up natives captured Pedro de Valdivia, a conquistador infamous for his rapacious cruelty and lust for gold, they pried open his mouth and poured molten gold down his throat. As ghastly a way to die as that must have been, it still beats how Edward II was dispatched: with a glowing hot poker up the ass. (He was suspected of being gay and had been promoting too many of his lowborn '

Foxyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12245439523028114944noreply@blogger.com1