Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Trouserless Tuesday! 

Image hosted by Photobucket.comA colleague proclaimed yesterday Trouserless Tuesday. That morning she was watching people walk by her desk when it occurred to her, “Hmmmm, there’s something odd about that man. Why, he’s not wearing any pants!” A man with nothing but a t-shirt strolled right by her. He waved good naturedly and wished her good morning as he passed her desk. She called security, who promptly escorted him out.

Later I was at the desk when a man stormed up, seething with righteous indignation. “I want to speak to someone in administration. I am being unfairly harassed by your guards!”

“I’m sorry about that. Let me call someone for you now.” I could see our two female guards rolling their eyes as they slowly closed in on him.

“I asked them at the entrance whether my attire was acceptable. They said that it was. But now they’ve arbitrarily decided that it’s not and they’re kicking me out! They are going back on their word.”

He looked perfectly presentable in his button down oxford shirt, but when I peered down over the desk I saw that on his bottom half he was wearing a micromini kilt, a tiny swath of tartan about two inches in length that barely covered his inseam. He whipped around to the face the guards, and the fabric swirled up, exposing himself to me and the guards. “Are you telling me I can’t wear a kilt! It’s part of my cultural heritage! You’re discriminating. Stop this harassment! I demand to speak to a supervisor NOW!”

The guards led him away into the security office. They later told me that several other patrons complained that he was purposefully dropping pencils down in front of their chairs, then bending over and backing up his bare bottom, displaying it inches from their faces.

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He reminded me of one of Jack Plotnick’s characters in Reno 911! Under the guise of a magician, carnie operator or puppeteer, he is always trying to unleash his perversion on an unsuspecting public. My favorite is when he portrays a carnival puppeteer who has a small portable stage attached to his waist. He announces that behind the curtained stage lies a magical, albino snake that “grows rigid in your grasp.” He tells the deputies sent out to investigate that they can't see the snake because "it's very sensitive to light and it's really more for women."

Why didn't I know about Trouserless Tuesday? It was hotter than the dickens here on Tues and I could have done with a little public exposure at the Farmer's Market! Tell me this is a weekly thing!

Foxy - you are a saint for dealing with these nut jobs. I would just go home every night and cry into my soup over the future of our nations pants-makers.
It's a fine old tradition, Foxy - good enough for Madge, anyway.
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