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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Y'all Are Brutalizing Me! 

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI got a little homesick for Alabama today when an exquisite example of a dirtball - the Platonic Ideal, really - stomped up to the desk. He had a canary yellow dyed mullet and his belly was poking out of his cut off tank top like a child's. His woman, cowed, pale and skinny, waited silently about ten feet behind him. Her eyes were cast downward.

"I need these here videos," slapping some Creepshow videos on the counter, "that are on hold for my brother to be put on hold for me so I can rent them right now."

My colleague scanned the videos' barcodes.

"There's a list of people waiting for these videos. If I cancel the hold for your brother, the computer transfers the videos' hold to the next person in line. There are 4 people ahead of you. But, if you have the notice letter from the library, and your brother’s card, you can pick them up for him. Wait, didn’t someone already talk to you this morning about this?"

His eyes shifted back and forth. "That was my brother - my TWIN brother. That was NOT me. We do live in the same place."

My colleague looked at him quizzically. “As in, we have the same address.” He rolled his eyes heavenward in this exaggerated, slow, 'My God you try my patience' way.

"I see your card - I mean your twin brother's card - is too delinquent to check out the videos."

It was obvious that he had defrauded the system into getting two cards, but couldn't use the one that he had reserved the videos under of because of its excessive fines. He wanted to videos badly enough to alert us. I had to admire the brazen way he was trying to conduct his little trashy con.

“It don't matter anyway! My brother's incarcerated. There's no way he come and pick them up. He'll be incarcerated for at least two weeks. I cain’t get his card, so put them on my card! How damn hard is that?"

"As I said, I can't transfer the holds to your card. The computer will automatically go down the list to the next person. There are four people ahead of you."

He finally gave up. "Ah, nevermind. These videos suck anyway." He walked up to his female companion, jerked her arm and pulled her out of the library.

Comments:
Sexy!
 
Have you ever thought about compiling a modern-day Aasop's Fables? I think you just found your fox and grapes story.
 
Ah caint believe you dint let that feller jus have them vid-eee-os.
Yer mean aintja!

Ah yes.....and I'm sure he believes he's part of the master race.
Nice.
 
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