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Friday, February 24, 2006

Patron Tokens of Appreciation at the Reference Desk 

After I helped him sign up for a computer, a patron reached in his pockets and shyly presented me with some sugar packets from the library café.

Next, a homeless woman pushed a bottle full of some evil looking milky liquid toward my colleague. “I made it for you! It’s a mixture of shampoo, body lotion and the lice treatment they gave me over at the shelter. I think it smells real nice, and should make your skin nice and soft. I mixed it just for you.”

OK, I realize ritual sacrifice might be too severe a punishment for the New Age seeker douches below, but just so you know that while they were writhing together in a big mass like one of those snake or toad mating balls they were also moaning and panting and crying out in this very disruptive, obscene way, which was seriously detracting from any other tourist's experience. I guess they reminded me of the people on this HBO Real Sex documentary I had the grave misfortune to watch that featured a polyandry retreat in Northern California. The attendees were all of these wrinkly hippies who would periodically gather to desecrate the redwoods and beautiful natural surroundings with their swinging lifestyle which they tried to sanctify and elevate as some sort of spiritual, enlightening ritual/journey. There was one particularly revolting scene in which they all made a nude circle, lying on their backs with their heads in the middle, and they all chanted and had this noisy group orgasm and "MY EYES! MY EYES! OH GOD MY EYES!"

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