Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Ref Grunt 

After I told a man where books on vitamins are located, he began expounding on the ways nutritional supplements have changed his life. "Yeah, you wouldn't believe the hemmorhoids, the constipation I suffered. Nothing in your life can go well when you can't take a good dump, ya know? Now I'm as regular as clockwork. These supplements have cured me of all kinds of illnesses. I tell you, my piss used to be all skunky and yellow, but now it's almost clear and foams like beer! It's really amazing. If you want to discuss what supplements I'm taking sometime - "

"Sir, I'm so happy that those supplements are working for you. I'm sorry, but I've got to help the next person."

Next in line was a man dressed in all black Karate uniform with the name tag "Bernie." "Good day. Can you give me the address of the Church of Satan?"

Then a man complained about another patron drying his penis underneath the hand blow dryer in the men's bathroom.

Next up was a middle aged woman who wanted to put her name on the list for the latest Nora Roberts. She looked middle aged and perfectly average in every way except for a ginger colored mustache, which was groomed and trimmed in perfect rectangle, Hitler style.

A young hipster woman rolled her stroller up to ask about books on meditation. Desperately needing to gaze upon something pure and innocent, I leaned over the counter to coo at her baby. Instead of an infant a large gray rat blinked sleepily up at me. "It's naptime. He's nocturnal!" She beamed with maternal pride as she adjusted its baby blanket cozily over its body.

sounds more like a zoo than a library. I like your style. keep it real
*laughs* We had a vitamin supplement guy at our library too. The first time I had to deal with him, he leaned over the desk and whispered, "I know something you can take to get rid of all that grey hair."

Whoa!! Obviously the crazy-patron force in the universe is working overtime at your library because we're having a slow summer. Sorry about that. I'm sure my weirdos will come back and the balance will be restored. :)


hipsters tote rats now? are rodants the new trucker hats? gotta get me one before EVERYONE has them.
Actually, I was really hoping to find out about those supplements...he's right, you know...those ailments can be a real pain in the a$$..
L-rd, this is the shit they don't teach in Library School (TM)

You're my new hero. I'm laughing and crying because I can sadly relate. I work in a downtown library situation where we encounter much of the same. A woman came in with a parrot on her shoulder one time and said it was her "seeing eye animal" and tried to claim ADA compliance measures. Yes, as the person above me so aptly commented, "They don't teach this s**t in library school." (still chuckling"
Post a Comment

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

powered by

Creative Commons License

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?