Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Fecal Mischief 

On one of the study tables, a librarian found a brown lunch bag filled with human shit, still warm. I guess we should be thankful for small favors, because at least the person who left it hadn't set it on fire. That particular floor of the library sees a lot of this type action. Not too long ago someone was fingerpainting shit all over sheets of music, destroying thousands of dollars worth. This must have sunk deeply into my subconscious because I made a mortifying Freudian slip when a patron asked me where to find musical scores. I replied, "6th floor has shits of music."

Sometimes it's not limited to solid waste. One time a librarian heard the merry tinkling of liquid hitting glass. She investigated and interrupted a homeless man urinating against a window, closed, of course. She shrieked, "What do you think you're doing?" He replied, all surly, "Well, what was I supposed to do? You don't have a goddamn bathroom on this floor!"

The geniuses who designed this library had put bathrooms on that floor - small, discrete single-user bathrooms hidden away in the stacks. They were perfect spots to slip inside to shoot up, nap or rendevouz for anonymous sex. After the bathrooms made the featured site of the week on CruisingforSex.com (NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!) the bathrooms were bricked over.

yikes, not safe for home either.
yikes, indeed. I just wasted a good 1/2 hour of my life checking out gay guys crusing for sex. Veeeeerrryyy educational.
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