Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Fun on the Reference Desk 

Image hosted by Photobucket.com"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

--Philo of Alexandria

A young man approached the desk. He looked just like Napoleon Dynamite, if Napoleon Dynamite wore all black and worshiped Satan. Like Napoleon, he was a mouth breather. In the same dead pan delivery he asked, “I need all of your books on Halloween. You know, Halloween, the day when the undead walk the earth? It's pretty much my favorite holiday.”

I smiled courteously and replied, “Second floor!”

A man in a business suit said, “I need the telephone number to the local paper. I need to use their microfilm machines.”

“The local paper doesn’t allow the general public to use their microfilm machines. They refer them here. Would you like for me to show you where the microfilm machines are?”

His eyes narrowed and he hissed, “Just give me the fucking number to the paper!” He loomed over my desk. I felt like a bank teller in the middle of a hold up.

He began to shriek, “I’m so goddamn sick of this! The Mexican Mafia infiltrated your machines back in ’86. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of pages of my court documents they have stolen from me!”

I gave him the main subscription number to the paper, silently wishing him luck reaching a human in that automated tarpit. “Here you go!”

A burly man wearing an incongruous tiny pink Hello Kitty backpack, the kind designed to fit the back of an elementary schoolgirl perfectly, approached the desk and said in an eerie monotone, “I was sprayed heavily with pesticides yesterday. I could smell it on my body all day, so I knew it had happened to me. Today I got sprayed again, but it’s odorless. It must be a new kind of pesticide. I thought I should report this.”

“I’ll let the proper people know. Thank you, sir.”

And I thought my job sucked!
I bow low before you Foxy. And I thought my job in cube farm hell was pitiful. BTW- your cousin Rae rocks!
See, this actually sounds fun to me. I can't wait for reference work.
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