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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Loretta Graduates from Rehab and Immediately Resumes Drinking

The travails of the taxpayer and Loretta continue. The neighborhood street socialite was spotted in the park yesterday, fresh out of rehab, stinking drunk. She was raising hell and spewing filthy invectives because she thought some woman was making a move on one of her admirers. Loretta can be a real wildcat when she perceives a threat from a female rival.

My manager also reported that not only is Loretta's foot not healing, it looks like she has broken her arm as well. Now she has two limbs in casts. I don't see how she remains mobile, since she needs both arms to use her crutches properly. Maybe Medicaid or some other social services agency will issue her a Jazzy or a Rascal, so it can be immediately stolen from her. Or maybe her entourage will carry her about on a litter like Cleopatra. She did fatten up grotesquely on all of the institutional carbs while she was in rehab, though, which might make that an impossibility.

I was walking by the park today and saw a long line of men in the park and thought for a moment that Loretta was feeling up to entertaining gentlemen callers in one of the stalls again, but then I realized that it was elderly Chinese lined up for information about senior citizen services. I'm sure I'll have a sighting of my own soon.

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