Sunday, January 11, 2004

Mr. Plastic, Patron of the Day
I just had to awaken my least favorite patron, Mr. Plastic. He got that nickname because he plugs up the holes in his never varying suit with plastic bags - resourceful, but not very hygenic or quiet. At my branch he would take the Vogue and retire to a nook (my branch was apparently designed by homeless book thieves judging by all of its cozy little crannies and hideaways) and masturbate. Now we have to keep Vogue behind the counter. He also throws off this sweet stench that makes me retch from 20 feet away.

Now he's taken to hoarding all the day's newspapers (Chinese included) at a desk, passing out, and then drooling all over them. And I know that he can't read Chinese, so he's just being selfish, in addition to all of his other faults.

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